Run, Forrest, Run!

As I have mentioned before, one of my New Years resolutions is to re-enter the competitive running world. I would tell you this is because I want to get in shape, lose weight, and be healthy – but that would be a big, fat out of shape lie. I just want to re-live my glory days as an athlete. (I suppose this is apart of a Quarterlife Crisis?)

I am what you would call a “has-been high school jock”… which is a technical term for “retired athlete”. In high school I held varsity letters in soccer and cross-country, a JV letter in volleyball, and even dabbled in bowling for a while. I also played on club soccer teams from the time I was eleven years old until I graduated. I could run a mile in 6:30 flat and would play all 90 minutes of a soccer match only to complain when my mark would flop. I was an over-achiever and my own worst analyst.

Since that groundbreaking day in May of 2004 where us high school kids transition from awkward adolescents to awkward adolescents with drinking problems, I haven’t been able to run more than 10 minutes without cursing the powers that be for creating treadmills, dollar menus, and my quadriceps muscles in the same universe. Douche-bags.

I vaguely remember running cross-country in high school; whether this is due to me repressing the memories or the fact that I only did it for one season is still up for debate. I wasn’t bad or anything, but I do remember berating myself for being absolutely bat-shit thinking running through the wilderness in what could only be described as “athletic lingerie” would be fun. Whoever thought taking a typical sport’s punishment and making it a competition in itself was a quack-ass and should be kicked in the shin. Hard.

Anywho – I ran a 5k on a team for my job (farking bonding horse-manure) last May and finished in 30 minutes. Not too bad considering I hadn’t run more that a mile at a time in the previous 3 years and trained for a grand total of a whopping 4 minutes the night before. I have now coerced myself into believing I can shave at least ten minutes off this time if I actually train for it. (See above for over-achiever explanation.) For the past week I have been running in between a mile and a half on a treadmill, then hopping onto an elliptical machine for about 3 miles doing interval and cross-training programs.

My body hurts. I’m beginning to remember why I hated running. Glory days of athleticism are overrated.

I'm take a day off, going to Taco Bell, and watching Forrest Gump from the comfort of my own ass tonight. And I'm going to LOVE IT!