My 100th Post

Ladies and gentlemen, this is the Fish Bowl’s 100th post. Albeit, not quite as mind blowing or monumental as PB & Tuna or MJenks’ 100th Follower… but still more exciting than Sarah Palin joining Fox News or Mark McGuire admitting to steroid use.

Yay! Go me!

Considering I am completely narcissistic unoriginal and unimaginative, I am commemorating this post with 100 wholly pointless things about me.

If you thought you knew Jeney before, you are in for it.

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1) My name has never been, is not, nor will it ever be Jennifer.

2) My favorite color is pink despite my personality and my hatred of it as a child.

3) My brother threw a flag stone at my head once when I was six knocking me out for fifteen minutes. I retaliated by crushing his hand with one a week later.

4) I have a birthmark on the bottom of my left foot. My dad has the same one.

5) My mom originally wanted to name me Nadina – Dina for short. (Dina the Dinosaur jokes, anyone?)

6) I cannot stand it when people chew with their mouths open. The smacking noise drives me bonkers.

7) I have had a sick obsession with vampires ever since I saw The Lost Boys as a kid. Twilight fans have nothing on me!

8) My only true fears in life are weed whackers, chain saws, and clowns.

9) I have been told that I have excellent taste in music when I am sober and awful taste in music when I am drunk.

10) I was technically a preemie- I was born four weeks early, but I was perfectly healthy and at a normal weight.

11) My parents were married in May of 1985, I was born in October on 1985. I was technically at the wedding.

12) I run to really loud, angry music - like Mudvayne and Five Finger Death Punch. However, I lift and elipticise (is that even a word?) to stuff like Lady Gaga and old school N’Sync.

13) I crochet and I love it.

14) I was born blonde and strived to stay that way until my senior year of college. I’ve discovered being brunette is way better.

15) I am the only person in my immediate family whose name does not start with an “L”.

16) This happens to be my favorite number.

17) I am closer to my 18 year old brother than I am with anyone else in this world.

18) I have had to do the math to remember how old I am turning every birthday since turning 21. I’m in denial already.

19) I have always wanted to have twin boys and name them Kristian Dakota and Kristopher Zachary. So they would be Kris and Kris (and hate me for it) but we would call them Dak and Zac.

20) Pickle Chiffon Pie is by far my favorite book EVER.

21) I have to admit that Peyton Manning commercials are my guilty pleasure.

22) So is really awful 90s pop music.

23) I once watched “My Super Sweet 16” for five hours straight. To this day I still have no idea why.

24) I used to get in my mom’s shopping cart and pull things off the shelves just to annoy her – when I was in high school.

25) My first word was “Floyd”… as in “Pink Floyd”.

26) My father once beat a guy to within an inch of his life for molesting me when I was 13 years old. I secretly wish he would have succeeded.

27) The only major surgery I have ever had was for a hernia.

28) You really shouldn’t take life too seriously because you’re not getting out of it alive.

29) The most profound thing any of my undergrad professors ever said to me was, “You are not an adult until you buy your own toilet paper.”

30) If you made it this far down my list, add the word ‘duck’ to your comment.

31) I am not a super religious person, but I do believe in God and I do believe He does everything for a reason.

32) I used to think my mom was Rosanne when I was a kid.

33) I love Christmas music, but I refuse to listen to it until Thanksgiving Day.

34) All of my iPod playlists have ridiculous names like “Sorry for Partying” and “I <3 href="http://www.celebritywonder.com/picture/Giada_De_Laurentiis/GiadaDeLaure_A__Wyman_14319525.jpg">Giada de Laurentis on the Food Network without staring at her boobs.

43) The most attentive, loving, and caring man I have ever met in my life is currently two years old.

44) The first thing I do when I come home from work, errands, a friends place, etc. is take my pants off.

45) I used to write a lot of poetry when I was in high school. I still have my book I used to write them in. You can find some of it here.

46) I have the WORST road rage ever.

47) I have an organizational OCD. Everything I own is in some sort of order (alphabetical, height, color, etc.)

48) The two coolest scars on my body are on my crotch (hernia surgery) and my calf (motorcycle incident).

49) I also have a small scar on my lower lip. I have no idea how it got there. Neither do my parents.

50) I never wore shoes when I was a kid. Now, I *love* them.

51) I’m awful at flirting. I also get incredibly awkward when boys give me compliments.

52) I still get Happy Meals at McDonald’s. (Sometimes I even go for the Mighty Kids’ Meals.)

53) My type is “the suit”. My secret type is “the bad boy”.

54) I don’t care what you say; Batman is the best comic superhero EVER!

55) My navel has been pierced since I was 16. I have wanted to take it out since I was 19… I just can’t find it in myself to do it.

56) My grandfather is, and always will be, my hero.

57) The best roommates a girl could ask for are two overgrown, seventeen year old boys stuck in 20 something year old bodies.

58) Ever since I was in high school, I have wanted to join the armed forces (preferably the Navy). My mom put the kibosh on it when I graduated HS and circumstances kept me away from it when I graduated college. I still think about it every day.

59) I don’t think I could ever go back to Vegas because of the first time I ever went there.

60) If you got this far down my list, add another ‘duck’ to your comment.

61) Currently, I have not had an orgasm caused by another person in five years. (TMI?) I don’t know if it’s a mental thing or a ‘Jeney-really-knows-how-to-pick-em’ problem.

62) I have serious issues with pubic hair. I mean like ‘vomit-in-my-mouth’ kind of problems.

63) I am a fiercely loyal friend. However, you have to earn it.

64) I actually have awful self-esteem issues. I hide it behind my sarcasm.

65) This may not seem true, but camping and sleeping in the wilderness is the best night’s sleep you will ever get.

66) I always kind of with I would have gone to culinary school.

67) I prefer beer over any type of liquor; but I have always wanted to be a wine connoisseur.

68) Strawberry/peach is the best fruit combination for anything.

69) Brinner is the greatest meal ever, hands down.

70) Deep down, I want to be a great blogger like LiLu or Ben; but I don’t have the time or talent to do so. I have become perfectly content being the little blogger I am. :-)

71) Miley Cyrus makes me want to shove forks in my ears.

72) I have never traveled outside of the states; not even to Canada or Mexico.

73) I purge my Facebook friends of people I no longer deem worthy of my time on a quarterly basis.

74) I want to get wasted with the guy who dubbed this video.

75) I was college roommates with a pretty well-known and loved 20 Something Blogger. We haven’t spoken since graduation day. I kind of miss ‘em.

76) My dream job would be the General Manager of the Chicago Bears. I’ll settle for being an Athletic Director somewhere.

77) I was flamed so badly the first week I joined 20SB on my profile that I am still afraid to get involved in the group.

78) Coming home from vacation to a clean house is the most relaxing feeling in the world.

79) I absolutely love Lady Gaga and I have no idea if I should be ashamed of it or not.

80) When I was in the 7th grade, I heard some boys on the playground talk about how gross it was for a girl to have hair “down there”. I agreed with them so I started shaving that night.

81) I feel that am not done learning and I want to go back to school.

82) The two most amazing things about Fargo so far are 50 Cent Draft Wednesdays at Bucks and Two for One You Call Its at Big D’s.

83) I wish I would have listened to my parents when they told me not to grow up so fast.

84) As much as I bitched about it while I lived there, I really miss Indiana sometimes.

85) I’m beginning to think my new Blackberry is my new best friend.

86) I still make wishes on my eyelashes.

87) I used to have a very extensive collection of gel pens when I was in junior high. I and I mean extensive… neon, glitter, metallic. You name it and I had it.

88) On that same note, I am still obsessed with highlighters and sharpies.

89) Sometimes when I am in a children’s section (clothes, books, whatever) I get this overwhelming feeling of wanting to get married and have kids like NOW. Then I come back to my senses.

90) If you made it this far down my list add the word ‘goose’ to your comment.

91) I have always kind of wanted to be a writer, but I never felt I was good enough to make it a career.

92) The greatest gift I ever got was one half of a 14 carat gold “Best Friend” heart from my mother when I was in high school.

93) I have a very vivid memory of watching an animated movie as a kid where rats were being killed and there was blood everywhere. To this day, no one has a clue what movie I am talking about and that I imagined the whole thing.

94) I have both a dream catcher and a rosary hanging above my bed.

95) It really bugs me when I don’t recognize a person on Facebook because they got married and changed their name.

96) I have owned this poster since I was a freshman in college and I still think it is one of the most impressive band posters I have ever seen.

97) My first concert I ever went to was the Smashing Pumpkins Infinite Sadness Tour in Chicago for my 11th birthday.

98) I gave a professional quarterback a lap dance once… and I don’t remember doing it.

99) When I was in high school, I ate three Bosco Sticks dipped in cheese sauce and marinara, a bag of Doritos, a chocolate shake, and three chocolate chip cookies for lunch EVERY DAY and still only weighed 110 lbs. I want that metabolism back.

100) I felt like this fact should have been earth shattering, but it is really hard to think up 100 facts about yourself.

Thanks for stickin' around! Let the judging commence...

TMI Thursday - The time my "boyfriend" hid in a drawer

It's that time of the week again! TMI Thursdays... if my own story doesn't quench your thirst for inappropriateness, go check out the rest of them at Liv It, Luv It.

Disclaimer: I have had a few new followers to this blog that know me personally… but may not know the TMIT side of Jeney quite yet. So read on if you guys dare wish, but I am warning you that this may not be something you necessarily want to know.

On with it!

**

So recently my roommate’s boyfriend moved in with us due to some personal problems he was having at his old place. Despite the initial “Woah, woah, woah. Woah!” reaction I had at first, it is turning out to be an awesomely fantastical arrangement. As a matter of fact, he makes a mean macaroni and cheese that I would probably turn down sex for. He also knows how to make some kick-ass sweet tea. And did I mention he takes the garbage out for us?

The only real downside to my newest roommate is his voice. He has one of those deep, booming, voice-of-god type tones that I can hear through my bedroom wall regardless of how quiet he is trying to be. This, of course, makes sleeping a little difficult.

So after a few nights of sleeping under my pillow, a couple more of sleeping backwards on my bed, and a $20 sound machine later we decided the best way to solve this issue was to flip my room around.

Now, I have one beast of a bed. It’s the kind with a mother fucker of a headboard and drawers underneath the mattress rather than a box spring. We actually had to completely disassemble the thing just to put it on the opposite wall. (I am also burning it before I have to move it to another place.)

Before we started taking the bed apart to move it, I suddenly remembered that the um… ::ahem:: new toy I bought myself for my birthday was in one of the drawers under my mattress. Upon realizing this, I stealthily jumped across my bed, whipped open the drawer, and shoved it under some clothes all before BDubz and the new roomie walked in. Whew! Awkward moment averted.

Or so I thought… it wouldn’t be a real TMI Thursday if I did in fact avoid an embarrassing and altogether uncomfortable situation, now would it?

I swear to all that is holy, I never cease to amaze myself. While my own “boyfriend” and all his accessories were safely hidden among my running tights and argyle socks, the packaging he came in that I had completely forgot to throw away was in the next drawer over all by its lonesome self... in all of the Hottie McSugartits package model glory for everyone to see.

All I can say in my defense is at least BDubz hasn’t had to flip her room around because of… ::ahem:: my “boyfriend”.

What happens in Vegas ends up on my blog.

I have been to Vegas once in my life. Only once. When I say I lived like a rock star when I was there, I’m not exaggerating in any way, shape or form. I honestly only spent a total of $200 the entire weekend and that included parking my car in the South Bend airport, a cab to the house I was staying at, gambling, and a ticket to see Bette Midler*.

Rock. Star. Bitches.

Let me explain…

My junior year of college, my good friend Glamour** was dating a fella who played poker. A lot. And he was good at it. He owned a Beemer to prove so. He happened to be playing in the World Series of Poker that summer and we both decided to use him as an excuse to get stupid drunk on the strip for a weekend be the good friends that we were and go cheer him on.

When I arrived at the Las Vegas Airport I was greeted with 100+ degree weather, slot machines, and billboards with half naked women on them. I was in absolute heaven. I cabbed it to the house I was staying at, which turned out to be Rock Star Moment #1.

This house was easily worth $2mil. Easy. It had eleven bedrooms, thirteen baths, a theater of Lazy Boy recliners in the basement, “guesthouse” with retractable walls, and one of those crazy waterfall pools with a tiki-bar hot tub attached. Their broom closet was bigger than my bedroom, for Pete's sake! There were twelve guys renting the house for the summer – all of which were playing in the WSP.

After a quick tour, I slipped on a sexy little number and all twenty of us jumped into a Hummer Limo (which the guys paid for) and went to dinner at N9NE in the Palms. Cue Rock Star Moment #2.

We all ate a fantastic dinner off a menu in which nothing was within my vacation budget (I got the filet mignon). When the bill came, all the guys threw their credit cards into the middle of the table. One girl would pick up the cards, chose a number, and count out then out. That guy's card she counted to? He got his card back. Said girl would then pass the cards onto the next one at the table. The last card standing paid for dinner.

The most nauseating thing about this? That several grand bill was pocket change to these guys.

After getting good and sloshed buzzed at dinner, we went to a club called Tryst. Holy sweet baby Jesus in a hand basket.

There is a waterfall in the middle of this club people. Did you read that? A WATERFALL. And beautiful people EVERYWHERE. We had table service with about seven bottles of Grey Goose, every mixer imaginable, and a big breasted, half dressed woman pouring our drinks into actual glasses (not cheap plastic cups) all night long. Did I mention the guys paid for our cover, table, and liquor as well? (Ahem… Rock Star Moment #3.)

That was all on the first night. So much more happened that weekend, but this post is already entirely too long. Just take comfort in knowing that I spent the Fourth of July nursing a hangover via hair of the dog from the tiki-bar hot tub and eventually made out with one of the guys under a waterfall in the pool.

I win.

*STFU. That show rocked my pants off.

**Changing her name for anonymity purposes. Duh.

Would You Rather Wednesday - Edward Edition (Plus a little Ben!)

Tim Burton is just fuckin’ weird.

After finding this link on one of my StumbleUpon sojourns I kinda went a little bonkers and had myself a Tim Burton movie fest. By myself. In the dark. And I have come to the ever so shocking and earth-shattering conclusion that he is one crazy son of a bitch.

But through the epileptic seizure inducing color schemes, mind-bending visual effects, and so-bizarre-you-can’t-tear-your-eyes-away costumes is one of the most talented and brilliant producers, directors, and writers of our day.

It really takes a special kind of insane to see the world the way he does and not be committed to an asylum.

Soooooo… I have a fuck, chuck, or marry edition of WYR this week inspired by my favorite Burton film, Edward Scissorhands.

So who you fuck, chuck, and marry?

Edward Scissorhands


Edward Cullen


Edward Munster (Just pretend he's 18, okay?)

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In the spirit of monsters and Halloween and all things fall -- I have a little video from Ben over at No Ordinary Rollercoaster for you as well. We both share a vehement hatred of all things ice and snow, but a love of the amazing season that is autumn.

NOR Video for Shamrock-on.blogspot.com from Benjamin Boudreau on Vimeo.

Peace out, bitches!

I'm in a mood. You know... one of those moods where you kind of just want to sit in your bathtub and eat chocolate chip cookie dough and drink brewskis while watching Super Troopers over and over again?

No? It's just me?

Well, shit.

I suppose there that annoying cliche silver lining, though. In an attempt to eradicate my piss poor attitude, I have started planning out a winter traveling extravaganza! Since all six of the people everyone I know currently lives all over this great continent, I have decided to take two weeks off during the winter months and visit ALL OF THEM!

That's right, I am purchasing a one-way place ticket to wherever I decide to start, renting a car, and high-tailing it all the way back up to effin' North Dakota where I will probably hang myself because I will have enjoyed life and friendship and all that crap so much on my trip that the -80 degree weather in Fargo will drive me to end my life.

I kind of want to start in Las Vagas where I will totally play the part of the Ugly Friend while super-uber makes-you-want-to-vomit gorgeous Colleen gets us into every VIP Club and Playboy party that my liver can handle.

Then I'll for sure be stopping in Arizona to see Vic (where I am sure I will drink even more) then swing over to Colorado to visit Clint and Tracy.

From there I plan on taking a twister to Lawrence, KS where I will proceed to get shit-tarded at The Hawk with old intern, Sugar Tits.

Then I'll end with the obligatory family stuff over in Illinois/Indiana/Wisconsin. There is a possible drinking stop in Madison, though...

Click to make it bigger.

While this is all fine ad dandy, I found myself wondering what could make it better? Oh, I know!

Meeting you guys!!!

How great would it be to having a tryst with Just a Girl? Show JP my ink in person? Let me know if you want me to work you into my little adventure!

Ladies and Gentlemen, I would like to introduce...

I know I missed Tattoos-day. And I completely disregarded I’m Just Sayin’ Wednesday. I am also in the process of completely failing at TMI Thursday. I am going to blame this entire lapse on old age. I’m pushing a quarter of a century old and I just can’t keep up with you kids anymore.

I do have some exciting news, though! Since my big move to the Great White North of the U.S., I have finally begun to make friends. (One of them is actually my boyfriend... ::gasp:: Saywhaaaaat?!)

Considering I spend every waking moment I can most of my time with them, I figured I should introduce you! No need to worry, though. They could never replace you guys. They don’t exactly understand my narcissism and awful humor like you do.

So blog friends, meet my real life friends…

Alias: Arkansas

Claim to fame: The first wolf I added to my pack of one.

Talent: Being on my shit list and Guitar Hero.

Drink of choice: Captain and Cherry Coke

Quote: “That’s my shi-at!”

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Alias: BDubz

Claim to fame: The roommate

Talent: Lapses in judgment that make me snort and Skype

Drink of choice: Malibu with a splash of Dr. Pepper

Quote: “I almost hit someone in my truck… again.”

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Alias: A.T.

Claim to fame: The Girly-Type Friend

Talent: Garlic Bread that will. Blow. Your. MIND!

Drink of choice: Amaretto and Pepsi

Quote: “I know, right?!”

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Alias: Sparky

Claim to fame: My Boyfriend Biatch

Talent: He's an athletic trainer... he's good with his hands. (He makes me laugh a lot too… I guess that’s important.)

Drink of Choice: Beer

Quote: “I hope the party you had on my bed last night was worth it.”

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Real life friends, meet my blog friends...

Go ahead, introduce yourselves!

Tattoos-Day; Believe

Before I get started today, I need to do some shameless pimping... The Goddess we all know as Just a Girl has sort of nominated me to be one of JP's Foxy Ladies this Friday. Sooo... to get a good sneak peek of myself in all my tattooed glory, you should come check it out.

(You should go read both their blogs before Friday, anyway. Because you're just a waste of oxygen and bandwith if you're not. Just a Girl is giving away goodies, too!!)

Ink #2; Believe in the Unbelievable

Design: Blue unicorn with the word "believe" underneath it

Location: Right shoulder

When: High School Graduation Present

Artist: Joey Drada

The Story:

This one was my high school graduation present. My favorite artist, Joey Drada, did this one for me. He and I have a very special bond… he’s done six of the eleven on me. He’s also done a few for my mom. He also works out of Prairie Tattoo with Mr. Max.

If you could swing your eyes over to the little “Lost Soul” section over to the right of this screen you will see that I am a self proclaimed unicorn enthusiast. I am not kidding about that. I actually have a very extensive collection of pewter, blown glass, and other unicorn paraphernalia. One of my all time favorite animated movies is The Last Unicorn. I am basically Kate from Dodgeball.

One very large reasons for this obsession is that according to unicorn folklore, the creatures do not regret. They’re just not programmed to do so. Considering they’re immortal, that is a long time and a lot of shit to go through without regretting any of it. What better way is there to live your life? “Believe” was added later to express the idea to “believe in the unbelievable.”

TMI Thursday - Exposing Myself

I meandered across this little doozey on Little Woman, Little Home and thought, “What the hell? It’s not like I have any shame left…” Vic, I am giving you fair warning not to read this. It will taint your image of me more than Beerwell 2008 did.

So here is the fiftieth post of this blog (yay!), my third post for the week (a record maybe?), my second installation of TMI Thursdays (oh boy!), and your first peek into the wild side of Jeney.

The rules: Tell us 3 things about your sex life. You can make them whatever you want and it doesn't necessarily have to pertain to your current partner (or a partner at all for that matter). You can talk about your likes or dislikes, your kinky fetishes or your secret desires. You can tell us a funny story about the time you were having sex in the woods with your old boyfriend and you both ended up with 1,000 tics. Whatever you want... it’s totally up to you!

The Alpha: This one is super gross and one of the more embarrassing moments of my life. Remember the guy in my worst post ever? Well, after a particularly intoxicating St. Patty’s Day, I let him talk me into going home with him like the stupid slut girl I am. Everything that you would expect happened. Nothing worth writing home about... until he walked out of the bathroom afterward. “Umm. I think you’re bleeding.” Of course! Thank you to Murphy's Law and awful karma, my period started in the middle of the whole thing. FML.

Figure 2.0: Ever since I turned nineteen, my birthdays have been absolute shit-shows. This increased exponentially when I was legally able to celebrate at a designated drinking establishment. One such party ended with me and a boy (duh) who would not. shut. up. I’m not kidding – he talked the whole effin’ time. “Oh my God, you’re so beautiful. You are amazing…blah, blah, blah.” As nice as it is to hear bull shit like that, this constant stream of word vomit was waaay too irritating. After telling him to shut his face twice, I just pushed him off, got dressed, and slept on the couch. I just couldn't handle it.

Lucky Number 3: This one isn’t an experience or even really that embarrassing. It’s the one weakness that literally buckles my knees regardless of my mindset, emotional state of mind, or inebriation level: kisses on my neck. Oh sweet Jesus… sends me to pleasure town every time. This, Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups, and Very Sexy for Him by Victoria Secret and you can have me as a sex slave for life.

Thanks for reading!