I'm Just Sayin' Wednesday -- Resumes

This may be a bit preemptive (seeing as I don't exactly have a huge following), but I kind of want to start a weekly post for this blog. I think it will give me a reason to post more than once a month as well as give me something to look forward to.

Thus begins I’m Just Sayin’ Wednesdays. Here I will address a topic that I feel needs to be talked about. Some days I'll post a serious I'm Just Sayin'. Most of the time it will probably be something no one but myself really cares about. This week we will be discussing resumes.

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Back in the day -- which I am pretty sure was a Tuesday -- the administration of my high school decided to take all the soon-to-be graduates out of class for a few hours to attend a ‘Real World Work Shop’. Said work shop highlighted such topics as professional appearances (“You mean I can’t wear my fly kicks and JNCO jeans to my interview?!”), interviewing etiquette (“When you are asked what you will bring to the company, ‘mad skills, bitches!’ is not an appropriate answer.”), and resumes (“Everyone come see how good I look! … on paper!”).

At the time the overly helpful woman lecturing us on proper formatting and content of a quality resume made me feel as if that sheet of paper was going to make or break my professional future. This message continued into my collegiate life and to this day I have a hard time not obsessing over the damn thing.

Does it look professional yet unique?

Do I have the proper information on it without sounding pretentious?

Should there be two or three references?

Should I have references at all?

What color resume paper says, “Pick me! Pick me!”?

Hours upon hours of personal and assisted formatting and strategy have gone into my freaking resume. And I must say I finally look pretty damn good on marble grey, 20% recycled paper.

HOWEVER! As I have been searching endlessly and pointlessly for jobs I have discovered that companies want nothing to do with the resume I worked so diligently on. They would rather me transcribe the whole thing into several automated boxes on their online application.

What the hell?

A process that should take me only three minutes (print out, sign, seal, and postmark) now takes me a half hour to forty five minutes! Filling out these forms is like writing a whole new resume. I have to re-evaluate everything I say! Aaaaaand I have to do this for every single job I apply for! It’s not like they can all be on one database that will share my one profile. Oh no, that’s way too easy. Is there anything we can do to make corporate America happy? I just don’t understand.

It would be easier on everyone if you just let us give you our resumes. Which, by the way, we have all worked very, very hard on to impress you.

I’m just sayin’.