I really tried!

I wanted to blog today. I really, really did.

At first I was going to write about all the random places I have woken up and have you guess which ones were as a result of copious amounts of alcohol and which ones were as a result of my uncanny ability to fall asleep almost anywhere.

Then I was going to write about how easy it is to amuse myse -- Oh! A squirrel!

When both of those failed I was going to rant and rave about how shit-tacular my mood is and how this inability to write anything of substance is a direct result of said attitude problem. But I'm really blaming it on my new birth control pill because it makes me feel obese, puts my pores into hyper-drive, and makes me want to eat my face off.

So I have decided I'm just going to post this because I am officially a useless waste of oxygen and bandwidth.

Because I feel like a penis pump right now.