Wednesday, January 14, 2009

An (anti)Ode to Snow

Dear Snow,

This. Is. Bullshit. You are bullshit. I mean, seriously?

First of all, you need to get over your serious case of identity crisis. Blowing snow…sleety snow… don’t even get me started on lake effect snow. Then to throw everyone for a wild loop, you decide you want to be rain for a couple days. Will you pick a form of precipitation already?! Geesh.

I am sick and tired of scraping 3+ inches of snow off my car every morning, lunch hour, and evening. I am fed up with the Indiana learning curve for driving in the snow being re-set every time you decide to take a three day hiatus to melt and increase my lake-front property to both my back and front yard. Then you to return in all your billowy, frigid glory freezing said lake-front property into a treacherous terrain for both my heels and car tires.

I have been putting up with your shenanigans for over two decades now. My patience is growing thin. I’m at my wits end with you, snow! There is not enough room in this Midwest for the both of us.

You better watch your back. Heatmiser and I have plans for you.

Loathfully Yours,