One Word: Absurd

It should be no mystery to you that I loathe winter. Though I have spent my entire twenty-something years in the Midwest, I will never get used to my nose hairs freezing when I walk outside, every shortcut I have anywhere being blocked by mountains of snow, or moronic drivers who never remember that ice is slippery.

Winters sucked in Northern Indiana. The lake effect snow and yo-yo temperatures drove me up a wall. I honestly thought that nothing could be worse.

Then I moved to Fargo, North Dakota.

I really should have anticipated the shitacularness of winters out here when it was 28 degrees and snowing on my birthday. But, seriously? Holy freezing balls Batman!

Ladies and gentlemen, we have had about two feet of snow dump on us since Christmas and it can't melt away because the temperature has not been above freezing in damn near three weeks. *

There are piles of snow in the parking lots (from plowing) that I could train for the Winter X-Games on. The drifts are up to four feet now as well.

I have yet to see any lines that have been painted on the roads to direct traffic because it's so cold even salting is useless.

While all of this royally, completely, and entirely sucks in every possible way... the winter storm advisory straw that broke my the camels back came last night.

Are you ready for this? Are you sitting down? You might want to. I'm serious.

The wind chill index last night was negative 45 degrees. The temperature was in the area of negative 14 to begin with. This means that if I were to walk outside the air that would have hit my skin was almost negative 60 degrees.

My dearest friends... the phrase, "When hell freezes over," is entirely inaccurate. Why? Because I happen to currently be living there and is has ALWAYS been effin frozen!

*Do keep in mind that I do mean the actual temperature... not the "feels like" temperature.